if i stay here i will forget what i need to remember.
i will not be another tag, another number, another male/female, circle the right answer. i will not be reduced to what you already are, you are your click-clock, lip gloss, 5 layers of makeup, humorless clowns, the scariest ones.
these are the mountains, this is the sky i have for scenery.
every day i worry with all this education i'm going to forget what i need to remember.
rhythms and notes run in my nutrient-depleted veins, but Intro to Music leaves me speechless when all we do is memorize dates and hollow words, quizzes in music trivia.

the deaf have hearing aids and i have two hands. and writing is when fingers speak for the tongue that won't. yet in Creative Writing all they do is talk, the ones who use their tongues like fingers, and i seat paralyzed, depleted. i don't play with the non-disabled.

Charlie and I,

Savage black curls, paving the way with every single move,
Going to the bottom of beauty like you only could

Charlie and I,

Stitch me to your mischievious shoulder,
you always showed the world how we belong to nowhere.

Well, I know where you are.

I've followed you once in a pale boy's smile,
embraced by your scent in my grandfather's clothes.

I've waited since before I knew.

With my lazer beams, I could see your every single move,
Laughing to the bottom of sadness like you only could

-- My cursed gift.

The world is still industrial, but there is no revolution.
And I'm still running to you without motion.

I've been here since before I knew

We're forever separated by digital screens and time
but I swear I'll know you in a smile, I'll love you every time.

2 paragraphs in the book of a life like this

According to Plato, most people seek to transcend to eternity by taking the usual route of finding a mate and creating a new family, achieving the only immortality they will know through a continuation of the human race. For others, the beauty they are able to perceive in the human body in all its subtleties becomes the inspiration for a life-long search for beauty in all its forms - the usage of words, pictures, music, ideals. The body is not merely a physical object but a symbol, a representation, a reflection of memory and meaning...
Me, I just have the ability to see beyond the matrix. And it makes me feel so alone.

The bodies were at rest. I’m blinded by his paleness of skin, the saturated shine of his soft coppery curls, the delicacy of his baby scent. I cannot place him in this era, an imaginary object in space, a treasure found deep in snowy mountains of the ice age. I am a biologist and he’s a different species to me. The fact that nature somehow arranged for him to be completely “naked” doesn’t cease to baffle. Yet it’s here all alive and loving Jimi Hendrix and cheesy classics, rapidly consuming protein and anything that could make it if briefly forget his involuntary nakedness. Little chords with hard rock ears tingle my belly. “tu tu tah tah tah tu tah” he is reciting a wee tune to himself and I’m gently taken to vague Muppet Show memories when he suddenly turns his icy blue gaze to catch me off-guard with the boyish smile that I wasn’t quick enough to erase. Bastard.
All the things that he was getting to know. And soon wish he could forget. He pulled me closer and mixed his lips with mine before I could think of anything to say. My charming disease.

Outside

Loneliness is a 
warrior’s dance
I’m a dancer soldier 
dancing on firing tanks
I see every detail I swim inside the close ups
I'm flying on waves of rhythm that never stops 
wherever they take me 
dark blue and cement death 
3 am here I am 
icy cold and thirsty breath
 and all the walls that don't stop me 
outside your window

you never find me

Compromise

THERE is nothing else.
Flashbacks. The Basketball Diaries. I am the boy lying motionless in a bathtub, my neck too weak to support the head that falls back in an everlasting dream…or nightmare, or a combination thereof.
There is no reality, just transitions between visions of pure beauty and sheer horror. I am young and old. The flesh on my arms is unscathed and my veins are in place. I have never damaged the shell. It’s all coming from the inside and its external interactions…with bodies, eyes, sounds and voices. It created all the drugs I never needed and now they’re taking over.
I lay defeated.
I want to just stay there in calm. I don’t want to fight anymore.
I know it’s stronger than me.